The Month After Lexi Died

It’s been a damned difficult month. Despite being busy with work, it’s been hard to not think about Lexi, my little girl. Although I’ve been trying to prepare myself mentally for this inevitability for a few years now, I’m still a wreck. I miss her so much. Sometimes when I feed the girls, I still look for Lexi’s bowl. Sometimes when I’m driving, I look down to the passenger side floor, where Lexi always wanted to ride, and look for her.

As I write this, with tears welling up in my eyes, Molly has jumped up on the couch next to me. She’s looking at me, and giving me the gentlest little kisses, and it feels like she’s reading my mind, telling me that it’ll be OK. I have often wondered about how dogs process death; what they think about it, how they feel. I wonder if Molly Mia, Sammi Jo, and Annabelle Joy miss Lexi? They were there, at the vet, in the same room, when Lexi took her last breath. They witnessed it all, and they handled it much better than I did. Do they remember Lexi? Do they remember Cleo?

When Cleo died, I had no doubts whatsoever that Lexi mourned her, and missed her for the last three years of her life. Lexi’s own health and energy declined noticeably starting when Cleo died. I think Cleo and Lexi both missed Maggie when she died too, but I don’t detect the same sadness from Molly, Sammi, and Annie now that Lexi is gone. I only sense that Molly knows how sad I am, as she lies on the couch next to me now, comforting me.

Spending 1/3 of my life with Lexi, and going through so much together, I know I’ll never forget her, my little princess. But an idea came to me, as I was thinking about her, an idea from the original “Highlander” movie. In it, Highlander’s wife asked him to light a candle for her each year on her birthday, to remember her. That is what Tracy and I will do for Lexi, as well as the other girls, Maggie and Cleo, and we’ll do it on Christmas also. I’ll never forget the love, friendship, and fun that we received from these three wonderful dogs.